and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
