that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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