next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
