How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
