Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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