You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We are two peas in an std pod
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
