I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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