Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
