Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
