Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
