Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
