Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
