Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
