I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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