you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
