I got chris browned last night
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
