I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
