She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
