once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
