i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
