i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
