Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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