you're like a bully in the Christmas story
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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