My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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