Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
