My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
