I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
