you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
