Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
