I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
