I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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