Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
