who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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