I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
