The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
