you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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