Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
