What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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