peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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