We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
