At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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