Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
