The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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