dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How does one acquire holy water?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
