It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
