I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
