I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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