I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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