A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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