I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
